Another in the occasional series where I take a quiet look at the things which annoy, irritate and get my goat. This time, it’s a follow-up to a post from five years ago about the things on LinkedIn that manage to be both irritating and oddly successful.

Performative vulnerability
“Three years ago I was broke, burnt out, and sitting in my car crying. Today I run a seven-figure business. Here’s what I learned.” The structure never changes, the lesson never surprises, and the comments are always full of “this needed to be said. “It didn’t.

Engagement bait
Comment “YES” to receive my free guide. Like this if you agree. Polls where the options are “agree”, “strongly agree”, and “very strongly agree”. A remarkable amount of certainty, gathered very efficiently.

The DM pipeline
Connect. Wait two days. “Hi Andrew, loved your recent post on [topic you did not post about]. Would you be open to a quick 15-minute call?” No. “Quick” is doing a lot of work here.

The guru economy
People are building businesses on LinkedIn about building businesses on LinkedIn. The product is the platform and the expertise is the audience.

The algorithm
LinkedIn periodically changes what it shows you and why, without telling you, in ways that benefit LinkedIn. Your reach drops instantly in a week. Someone will post a theory and the gurus have a course on it by Thursday.

The authenticity miscalculation
There is a version of “bring your whole self to work” that has become bringing your whole self to LinkedIn. Personal stories framed as professional insight, posted to an audience that connected with you for entirely different reasons. Authenticity is not the same as relevance.

The post you almost didn’t post
“I almost didn’t share this.” But you did.
“This might get me in trouble.” It won’t.
“This is probably controversial.” It isn’t.

The misattributed wisdom
A mountain. A sunset. A lone figure looking thoughtful. A quote attributed to Einstein, Churchill, or Mandela. None of them said it; a mountain does not help, and Einstein was not thinking about your personal brand.

The AI sketchnote
A colourful hand-drawn aesthetic. Probably a pyramid, some arrows and a few emojis. Headings like “The Why” and “The How”. Remove the visual design and nothing remains.

The daily games broadcast
“Jordan has completed Zip.”
“Jordan is on a 3-day streak.”
“Jordan has beaten 72% of players today.”
I have not asked to be kept informed of Jordan’s progress. I wish them well but really don’t care.

And I am not exempt
I recently wrote 400 words about a Penalty Charge Notice and called it a systems failure. So I know I’m not writing this from a position of strength.

What annoys you about LinkedIn? Tell me below.

Or don’t. I’m not going to ask you to comment “YES”.