As you go into the supermarket to pick up a loaf, a store assistant comes and tells you that what you really need is crumpets.

You don’t want crumpets – you’re making sandwiches – but the store assistant insists their crumpets can be used as sandwiches; “more for your money” is mentioned.

And they come in a pack that is a puzzle to open; “stretch”.

And they have a supporting app that shows you how to use crumpets in a bread and butter pudding; “blended”.

And you’ll earn points when you buy crumpets that move you up a leaderboard; “gamification”.

And you’ll get a subscription for crumpets that can be used for delivery any time, any place; “just in time”

And here’s micro-crumpets when you only have a small appetite or a little bit of time; “personalised”.

And you can design your own crumpets too – square, extra thick, extra thin, wholemeal, gluten free; “personalised”

And before you go to the till, could you just fill this form in and say how how you found the experience today?

I wanted bread.