Another in the occasional series where I let off some steam and poke fun at the workplace. As always, this post is just for fun and a bit of teasing, so don’t take it personally!

This time, it’s the omnipresent headshot.

To the men reading: the black-tie photo is not your professional headshot.
You wore a dinner jacket once, at an awards night, and you looked sharp. You might even have won something. But it is still a photograph of you at an awards night.

The caught-off-guard shot. You know the one; laughing at something out of frame, hair doing its own thing, possibly at a conference.
It doesn’t show that you’re approachable. It shows that you’re hoping I’ll interpret informality as responsiveness.

The corporate studio shot with the folded arms and grey backdrop isn’t proof that you’re a safe pair of hands. It’s proof that you paid a photographer to make you look like everyone else who paid for the same photograph.
And yes, I recognise the irony of me having one of these.

The photograph that hasn’t been updated for over a decade.
You’ve had three hairstyles and grown a beard since then. It also appears to have been taken on a 1.3-megapixel camera phone. I won’t recognise you.

Sunglasses. On a boat. On holiday. I understand that you were happy and relaxed.
But nobody should have to study the reflection in your lenses to work out what you look like.

The overfiltered one.
Skin like plastic and teeth whitened beyond anything found in nature. When we meet, the gap between the photograph and reality won’t help.

The company logo instead of your face.
If I wanted to talk to a logo, I’d email the company inbox.

The crop. You’ve removed the ex, the mate or the drink in your hand. But the reflection, shadow or unexplained arm still tells the full story.

And I will notice. What’s your rule when looking at headshots? Any other nightmares that haunt you?